I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
