He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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