she smelled like a LAN party
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
