Soap is not a condiment
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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