I heard we made out
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
