Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
