pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The ass gains better be worth it
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