Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
