i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
