you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
