everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
