There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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