I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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