I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
