Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
