so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
