i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
