Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
