I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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