No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
