When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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