i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
