I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize