We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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