my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
