this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
