it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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