dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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