what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
