i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
