It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize