I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Where is the hickey?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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