She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
