$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
