So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
