wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
