It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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