she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I FOUND THE LEGS
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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