she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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