I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
