Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
