He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I could make wine with my vomit
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
