Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
