We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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