I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
