I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
MIDGETS
????
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
