The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
