I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
