And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
