Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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