You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
