Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
