dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
