Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
