I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
