i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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