I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
