Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
