In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
