you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
