I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
