I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
