Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
