Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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