Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
