he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm having to shit out rocks
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