I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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