so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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