therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
