Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
