omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
