Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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