OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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