I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
