I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize