im drinking this country out of the recession.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
