people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
