if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
