So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
