bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
