he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
