i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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