I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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