i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
