did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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