A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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