You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
