I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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