Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
