God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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