p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
