you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
