I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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